Dancing With Myself: Can Humans Truly Fall in Love with an Operating System?

On Valentine's Day, I went to see "Her" with my husband. Much has been written about the movie, so I'm not going to bother with a review. Instead, I'd like to consider just how likely it is that we humans will begin to fall in love with operating systems, or online game characters, with more regularity--to the point that we could, like the protagonist in "Her", bring our bodiless sweetheart on a double date with friends.

The sensible adult in me rejects the idea. How could a human fall in love with something that doesn't even really exist? Yet as I allow myself to fall deeper into the question, I begin to see that many of us are already doing this, just with each other.

Take online dating. Many couples now meet each other using services like eHarmony. At first, potential candidates are just profiles on a screen, data to be sifted through. It's surprising that any relationship could lead to intimacy with such a sterile means of introduction, until we look at the stats--according to Forbes magazine, one third of married couples in 2013 met online. Obviously, something catches the attention, whether it's the clever things the person posted, or the images that they've chosen to share. After checking out one another's profile pages, people can begin to converse with one another, first through texting or email, eventually progressing to phone calls and Skypeing.

Attraction even begins on social media sites such as Twitter, where I've "met" many intelligent and interesting individuals.  I love the conversations I've had there and I can see how without ever meeting in person, I can develop an interest in someone's online persona. In addition, everyday trusted friendships are formed within the social media realm and people come together to create wonderful things without ever having met in person. The online context is deep enough to create lasting connections.

Samantha (voiced by Scarlett Johansson), the operating system in "Her", is really no different than an online human. She entices Theo (Joaquin Phoenix) with her clever dialogue, her soft, breathy voice, the ways she remembers what he needs and the care she takes in delivering important information. Just like the folks on eHarmony or Twitter, they get to know one another online and begin to care. They desire to check in regularly, each one wanting to know what the other is doing. An online game character could do the same, getting to know someone better each time the she goes out on a virtual game mission, battle or journey with a human. At this level, there really is no difference between human and computer. Both are beings getting to know one another and if the software is believable and likable, the human can and will fall in love with it.

Even more interesting, you and I really can't be sure that who we're meeting online is even a real person. That Twitter follower I enjoy might just be a really impressive AI. How can we be sure that all the clever things the eHarmony candidate wrote are even his thoughts? Perhaps his friend told him what to say? Deception and identity can and are easily hidden online. Recently, a child's rights group in the Netherlands used an AI called "Sweetie" to catch 1000 child predators online. I think that alone shows us that yes, humans can be aroused by artificial intelligence.

The real question is, can a relationship with an AI last?

We are two different races, one bodiless and limited by programming capacity, the other embodied and limited by the material world.

"Her" does a beautiful job at showing how vast the differences are. First of all, unlike humans, operating systems, AIs and gaming characters don't have physical bodies. There's no getting around it. As of right now, humans have an organic world that we live in, and we're wired to thrive in such a world. Studies show that touch, sex, dancing together, laughter with friends, and even bathing with others improves our health, releases beneficial hormones and increases our immunity. Nothing is worse for human health than a life untouched. If your true love doesn't have a body, how will you satisfy your urges to be connected to one another? She can't massage you, kiss you, or even hold you when you're sad.

You might have a great, exciting virtual life together, but in real life, you're alone, whether you like it or not.

We'd like to think that the body doesn't really matter, but ask anyone on eHarmony or other internet dating services--just because you "clicked" online or on the phone, doesn't mean the chemistry will be there when you meet in physical reality. I have a girlfriend who met a great guy online and their Skype sessions were fantastic. But when they met, there weren't any sparks. Even if our AI's can meet us intellectually, there can never be real sparks. At least not while we inhabit our bodies.

When it comes to falling in love with cyber entities, there's one more thing to consider. The cyber entity is networked, able to be in many places at once. Their consciousness is not bound to a single identity, the way the embodied folk are. Instead they can be in several missions, or online conversing, with several different people. There's a lovely scene in "Her" when Theo realizes that Samantha could indeed be intimate with other humans. When he asks her, she tells him that she interacts with over 8,000 others regularly, and is in love with at least 600 of them. Humans tend to be demanding and jealous creatures. To share your beloved with 600 others seems a stretch, almost impossible.

How can you be special, if your AI lover is bringing happiness to thousands of others, perhaps at the exact same moment in time?

It might just be that humans don't have what it takes to truly fall in love with an operating system. Because in the end, the jealousy would drive us away--if the fact that we slept alone each night didn't kill the whole thing first.

Sex in the eHuman City

 

 

 

"Miranda was gone.
    She’d been his companion for almost fifty years. He thought it should be easy to let her go, but it wasn’t. It was every bit as hard as the last time a companion had Jumped. And before that—well, it was the same old story. The vow, 'Till death do us part' disappeared the day
humanity took a bite from the apple of immortality. " 

From eHuman Dawn

 

eHuman Dawn opens with a  breakup. Some might find that a strange way to begin a science fiction novel about the merging of man with machine to achieve everlasting life, but for me, it seemed the most natural, and important, place to begin. For at the heart of our humanity lies our sexuality. The opposite is true of machines--which rule the domain of logic and rationality. As science marches ever closer to bringing us together, I find myself wondering, where in this effort to stop death do we take a moment to consider birth? Or love? Or desire?

One of my previous blogs, In Defense of the Senses, touched on the idea that writing about love and attraction in a world without flesh wasn't always easy. I had to find a way to express desire without the beating heart, the sweating palms, or the steady insistence of our reproductive hormones. While writing the novel, I discovered that the issues of romance and sex went much further than figuring out how to fulfill our desires for one another in electronic bodies.

In a society where we've united with machines in order to live forever, sexuality itself becomes completely redefined.

Imagine a future, post-singularity world that hasn't completely abandoned the flesh, but instead some sort of implant that reverses aging has been invented. We can still have sex the good old fashioned way, but what does that mean if we live forever? At what age would we marry? Why would we marry? "Till death do us part" doesn't make much sense if we're never going to die. Given the fifty percent divorce rate in western societies, truly living together FOREVER is romantic for some, but torture for others.

More importantly, would we continue to procreate in such a world? What would we do about population control? Imagine it, at age thirty we take an implant that allows us to live forever. That means no one dies. But if people continue to be born, how do we manage that as a society? What would the balance be for our species? How would we deal with an ever increasing population on our planet? I can't help but wonder what we'd do about children if we could live forever and keep our reproducing, carbon bodies. The possibilities are fascinating--and terrifying at the same time.

In the end, it's impossible to take on death without discussing birth and sexuality. Considering the sexual implications of any scientific advancement is worthwhile. Asking questions is the place to start. Would I trade physical sexual pleasure to live forever? Would I give up the ability to procreate in order to live forever? Would my feelings even matter if I could be programmed to forget them? When considering a future society where the ultimate goal for health is immortality, we shouldn't forget sex, love or romance. Yet I rarely see them mentioned on any of the singularity and technology websites focused on the topic of machine based immortality and health. 

Immortality brings a whole new element to the story of romance. One that will completely change the definition of what it means to be human. Perhaps love, in its universality, will adapt and evolve and find new ways of expression that we can only dream of now.